A wise man once told me, “if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all.” That very wise man, who happens to be my father, also taught me that once you say something … you can never take it back. This might be the reason I have pretty good filters and also why I am so sensitive to harsh, unkind, and unwanted words (whether written or spoken).
So before you speak I will teach you a simple visual example. On the left is a plain white piece of paper while on the right a crumpled piece of white paper. Image the plain paper is a person prior to the impact of another persons words.
Since we never truly understand how our words (written or spoken) affect others, we never truly know what the impact may be.
Now image the crumpled paper is the impact words (again written or spoken) had on someone else, essentially the effect. Once the crumple or crease occurs, you can never get the crumpled paper to look or feel the same again. Now you may be able to iron the crumpled piece of paper (explaining what you meant) but those creases in paper will forever remain and have changed that piece of paper. AND THIS is the impact of your words.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I understand there is a time for constructive criticism and teaching but there is a time and place in which this is productive. And in my observations, this happens very rarely (especially online) as most people speak and write without understanding the full extent their impact may have on others. They are not taking into account all the ways in which their words can be interpreted. How often do we say or write something and then think … that’s not what I meant.
Here is another great example I love to use in teaching students, not only the use of words but the concept of the emphasis on words in a sentence. Think or say the sentence – I didn’t say you stole the money.
- Now let’s put the emphasis on the word “I”. I didn’t say you stole the money. This way of saying the sentence may mean, I wasn’t the one who said you stole the money, someone else said you did it.
- Put the emphasis on the word “say”. I didn’t SAY you stole the money. This may mean -I might’ve “said” something else or maybe I actually wrote it.
- Now place the emphasis on the word “you”. I didn’t say YOU stole the money. This may mean, I didn’t say you were the one who actually stole the money -I may have said someone else stole the money.
And so on, which makes the same simple sentence have many different meanings and interpretations depending on the emphasis of the words and the way in which it is perceived.
In society today, social media creates an environment in which people hide behind computer screens and type without filters. This is why I say “JUST STOP AND THINK!” STOP saying/writing what you think, YOU have NO idea the impact it is having.
Before you speak, Instead think …
- ONLY use words that are positive, productive, and kind
- THINK about what you are going to say or write before you say or write it (especially if you are angry or are experiencing a tense emotion). Think … will what I am going to write/say have value and make a positive impact?
- USE FILTERS -now I am not saying lie or don’t say what you mean but words do make a difference. Ask yourself is it true? And then ask yourself is it necessary? Then ask, is it kind?
- WAIT -give yourself time to process your thoughts and words BEFORE you say or write them
- REFLECT – on what you have said or written
